Topic:
Nowadays many people aim to create a balance between their work and other aspects of
their life, however, only a few achieve it. What are the problems of not achieving this ? What
solutions can you suggest?
Student`s essay:
Even though today a balanced way of life becomes desirable among masses, only a small number of people really achieve to manage time for both career and personal life. There are several reasons for that as well as solutions.
One of the reasons is the lack of time caused by the modern lifestyle pushed by mass media and society in general. Nowadays many people from the early childhood are being taught to be the best in everything: in studies, in work, in sports, in their look and fashion. However, when it comes to reality it can be observed that it is simply not possible to focus and succeed in so many things at once due to lack of time. Another reason is the culture that sometimes prioritizes career and money over personal life. People tend to focus on their work rather than other aspects of life because of that culture in many societies. (Irrelevant).
However, there are also solutions for these problems. Attaining time management courses for instance can be very beneficial in this regard as it can help to balance time between work and everything else. Moreover, it could be even more helpful to get a personal life coach, who could help to direct a person through his or her life by giving important advices. Those suggestions can be useful in order to balance their life as well as to prioritize on most crucial things in it. This also helps to improve the self-awareness of a person, which allows him or her to safe time for important aspects of life eliminating less important time-consuming things.
In conclusion, sometimes society can dictate people how to live their life, which leads to disbalance between career and other parts of it. However, special courses and assistance of specialists can help people to deal with that issue.
Feedback:
Task Response: The main problem is that the student has confused Cause-Solution and Problem-Solution essays. The question clearly asks to state problems not reasons (which was mentioned in the Introduction, Paragraph 1 and Conclusion). In addition, both solutions are not clear: they don`t explain how they can help to balance work and life (lack of focus). Conclusion is present and clear. Thus, this criterion is 5.0.
Coherence & Cohesion: Sentences are well-linked. However, the first body paragraph decreases the score (wrong topic discussion) and sentences are not relevant to the topic. The problem of repetition (linkers – however) is also present. Unnecessary repetition and wordy phrases in body paragraph 1 sentence 2. 6.0 for this section.
Lexical Resource: Topic vocabulary is adequate for a high band, less common vocabulary (disbalance between, prioritize) is also present, while there are some wrongly used phrases as well (masses – not appropriate style) with unnecessary repetition in body 1. The part of the topic (problems) is wrongly presented. 7.0 for this criterion.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Many grammatical mistakes can be mentioned (collocation issue – manage to achieve* -Introduction, problems with articles – mass media, most crucial) confused verb-noun – safe time) and punctuation problems (comma before eliminating or unnecessary commas before the phrase life coach in the second body paragraph). A wide range of structures can be seen. This criterion gets 7.0.
Overall – Band 6.0
English 
Azerbaijani